Reflections

In February I'll turn 35. I don't feel like I'm 35 (well OK I'm not yet), but it seems like this is a good time to reflect on where I am, where I've been and where I'll be going next.


Where I am right now feels like a very dark place. Overall I'm incredibly happy with almost everything going on in my life. I've got an amazingly awesome wife, I'm wrapping up my B.S. degree, I've got tremendous family and friends and everything seems to be humming along great. Until Sunday that is. On Sunday my grandmother fell down while sitting at the table and hit her head pretty hard. It appears that her pancreas was inflamed, her kidney's were shutting down, her lungs were having difficulty grabbing air, and she was suffering a heart "event"*. I think she probably had an ingrown toenail or something too, but basically it completely and totally sucked. One doctor said she "had two feet in the grave", however, thankfully she is stabilizing and seems like she may just pull though, though the doctors are quick to point out she is "not out of the woods yet" (do they all speak in cliche's?). Hopefully I'll know more about this tomorrow morning, but I'm very hopeful.

This has got me to thinking a great deal on where I've been and how I got where I am. First I want to say that I've had a fantastically awesome life, full of people who love and care for me. I, like so many of my generation, was one of those kids who grew up in a "split" home. This basically meant that I got twice as many presents for Christmas and my birthday. I also got to have a lot more people in my life hope to help guide me to becoming a better person. I think they did a pretty darn good job at it. My grandparents on both sides did a great deal to help shape me in to the person I am today and I owe them a lot. I'm realizing that I really need to tell the remaining two grandparents I have that they did a lot for me and are the reason I'm working so hard now to make them proud.

I also owe my mom and dad quite a bit. While they may not have always been there in the ways that I thought they needed to be, they did teach me some valuable lessons that I will never forget, including how to forgive, and ask for forgiveness. They showed me that it's OK to not be perfect and to just try your hardest. I've probably spent more time with my mom in the past couple of days then the whole rest of the year combined. I need to get some time in with my dad soon too.

Finally, my aunts & uncles had a hand in the person I am today too. Specifically I'm thinking of one particular aunt who came up from California this week for a Christmas extravaganza. She was the one who made those summers in L.A. bearable growing up. She was the one who helped foster my love of movies, roller coasters, and motorcycles. She has also shown me how to be strong and sturdy for your loved ones when they need you. For that I am truly grateful.

This brings me to where I'm going. Where am I going? Geographically speaking, I'm not really sure yet, and my wife is going to have a HUGE say in that (thought Georgia is the current front runner). I want to go to Law School. Before you give me 4,000,000 links to Above the Law and Top Law Schools forums (I'm not going near JD Underground thank you) understand that I know it's a big risk. I know that I'm not likely to come out of school and make gobs of money. This is not a purely financial decision for me but it's something that will lead me to my eventual goal of becoming a Judge.

Where else am I going? Emotionally, I'm going to get through this rough patch with my grandma, I'm going to look at my beautiful wife and remind myself each day just how lucky I am to have her. I'm going to be thankful for everything that I've received, and I pray soon that I am going to be given an opportunity to someday, pay it forward and teach it to the next generation.

Wow that turned out way longer than I thought it was going to. Now I'm going to go power up my Xbox and slaughter me some Templar Knights. Peace, love and Good night all. I promise the next post will be lighter.

*Why did they stop calling it a "heart attack"? I mean a heart event sounds like something that would be kind of fun. 'Hey guys, I've got tickets to this weeks heart event, wanna go?'